Aguilla

Right now, I’m lying on my bed with tears all over my face. I was listening to the old songs. Suddenly all the memories came rushing back and ended up missing you more than I ever did. We were lovers. And I still remember we were best friends. Remember? We were always together through the good times and the bad. I miss all of the good times like when we’d talk all night long about some random things. We were so close and now so far apart; that’s horrible. I miss so many things about the way we used to be. I miss my best friend. I miss my boy.

My days are so up and down, I barely feel sane. I’ll be feeling fine and strong one minute, then the next I’ll be in tears. Every night I just go to bed and once I feel sleepy, I start to remember everything. It aches me so much physically and mentally. Sometimes I close my eyes, I imagine your face in mind. Just imaging that makes me miss you even more. Also ever since that day, I have listening to those songs and at the same time I would remember all our moments together and everywhere I look it reminds me of you. And while I’m on my own, I cry, rant and rave. I think it helps get it all off my chest, at least for a moment. I just can’t believe it’s actually over. We can make it work, actually.

I’m living my own nightmare. I don’t know what it is, it seems all incomplete here. I feel shattered. I’ve never imagined it would be this hard. Tell me that this is too much but I seriously have stopped enjoying my life. People like me only expect things but don’t even know how to give anything back in return. I would prefer to not have to move on, which I know anyone in my situation would say, but I would prefer that we get reconnected and can start new. People get second chances, and I want our second chance. I know that no one can really help me, so I just keep asking God for patience and help to get through our differences because I cannot think straight and I do everything wrong. My heart feel so bad I can’t describe it. I know I have to give him his time and space and allow him to become focused on where he wants to be. But yes, it is painful to wait without the person that has your heart but all you can do is just waiting. Life just sucks sometimes. I had the most amazing time of life but it had to come to an end. My life was perfect and then I lost everything! I’m trying to be strong but it’s too hard to get up this time. SUCKS!!! I wish I could know what God’s plan for me is.